John Carpenter's
WHO GOES THERE?
THE THING FROM ANOTHER WORLD
Imagine if "Deadpool" directed "The Thing". Like the 1996 satire "Scream", or Robert Rodriguez's "Planet Terror", my reimagined "The Thing" blends satire, nostalgia, and cinema deconstruction into a one-of-a-kind movie high. The satire as cinema love letter.
+++And now for... the, ahem, Preface+++
My fan-edit of the 1982 cult classic "The Thing" is an Easter Egg movie. How many countless movies since then have ripped off this movie? Well, many of these f/x scenes find there way back into this movie. Oh, so do a bunch of blink and you miss it corny pop-culture jokes. I even changed the timeline to 1987 to account for the anachronisms. Anytime you do a fan edit of a popular movie you risk drawing a mustache of the Mona Lisa. Normally, I don't care about this, and say, "F- the haters and their sacred cows." After all, movies as great as they are rarely are Mona Lisas. But one can wish right? However I understand the love and protective nature of fans who adore this movie. I was one of them. But the movie changed for me over time as I changed. I will always cast my vote for "Escape for New York" 1981 as Carpenter's true masterpiece. That movie is a grand Hollywood sci-fi movie that is also a movie for all of us, for the audience.
The Thing is great, don't get me wrong. But it derivative of Alien 1979 and The Invasion of the Body Snatchers remake a few years before it (which gets my OTHER vote, that one for greatest modern sci-fi horror film ever). The monster freak out scenes in The Thing are basically just riffs on the chest burster scene from Alien. They play as "Look ma! In their face! HA!" moments. And, for the most part, earn that smugness... mostly. But lost in the shuffle at some point was how difficult it is to pull off a movie like this. A movie like Alien could be dissed on for being a various on the classic slasher movie. That is what is becomes at some point. But the movie never loses it narrative priority. The Thing, well, does. At least, just enough so it's close... but no cigar. At this point you must think I hate the movie. Not at all! I admire its spirit, its ambition, its vision, and it gritty sensibilities. I just feel like the initial ambitions surrounding the movie went unrealized. This was Carpenter swinging for the fences, so God bless him. We still get a great looking movie with yet another vote of mine, this time for Kurt Russell's finest performance. It's his only movie where he completely disappears into the role of the enigmatic MacReady. A PTSD ridden island of a man who may be the exception to that rule that a man is never an island. And Rob Bottin's f/x will go on to inspire generations of horror filmmakers.
So, what's the point of this self-conscious ramble? It's my way of saying that, yes, if you don't like this movie, then happily tell me to fuck off and watch the original. I will likely nod and say, I get it. But those who want to stay, I've REALLY put a lot of time and effort into making this a love letter to what I love about the movie AND the cult of fans that herald it.
By making an Easter Egg version of this movie that doesn't hit too hard on the nose in my self-referential edit here (well, there may be ONE two many Wilford Brimley gags hidden through out, so sue me...) I hope to create a movie that for casual movie goers they can still enjoy this a straight horror film and enjoy a good scary yarn around the campfire about a sentient disease from outer space. BUT for us The Thing superfans you can ride of the vibe of love and insider knowledge about this movie, all nicely bundled up in this single fan edit, in what is a joyride of a movie.
Disclaimer time: To be fair, around the time I finished doing MY fan edit of this movie I stumbled upon, by accident, a fine fan edit of a movie that saw this potential for an Easter Egg The Thing movie and, boy, they went for it. It's very funny and stylish and all-knowing in its encyclopedic pop-references, reminding me of a Zucker Brothers version of a John Carpenter movie. I wouldn't call that edit a love letter necessarily. That's not a gripe, it's more of a, "Welp! You better have a thick skin or you are going to feel punched down a bit, so I dig it." And honest to gawd, that we both were working on similar movies is evidence for me at least of a zeitgeist or consciousness surrounding Hollywood movies. We even both settled on *wink at the viewer* longish titles for our fan edits. In my case, teasing the incoherence of The Thing that in my view keeps the film was being on the same level as say Alien or Jaws (i.e. there is a reason the original Howard Hawk version had another sense to include "...from another world" in the title, as you set the tone for a movie with what you decide to call it, your story begins with that for better or worse).
So, what does a love letter to beloved cult movie look like in my book?
+++THE HIGHLIGHTS+++
If you decide to massively re-edit a movie that many already have deemed to be a perfect movie that never got its due (spoiler alert for those coming in late, the movie tanked in the box office), then remember that it is probably a movie that everyone is clamoring for a proper sequel or follow up, which means one approach is preserve the original as art into itself by taking a peak behind the curtain, and outside the frame. Want to improve a movie for one's personal tastes that many find to be great already? Then how about also share what my experience of this movie was, as a fantasy alternate cut so that purists can still enjoy their original movie in all its enigmatic glory.
For me that meant completing some f/x and scenes planned for the film, and expanding others.
The great under appreciated f/x powerhouse Amalgamated Dynamics studioADI has worked on a many great many movies, and they inspired me here when they described a perfect f/x horror film as being 80% practical f/x and 20% decent-to-good CGI. When that happens (i.e. Jurassic Park, Grindhouse) then you have a masterpiece. So, I took that approach here. Expanding some scenes, and Thing freak out moments, by taking a 'what-if' approach. The CGI I did here I will defend as decent enough for, say, the early 90s for a movie like this. I imagine in some alternate universe where The Thing was a hit at the box office and where E.T. bombed (the movie often blamed for the Thing's failure to connect with paying moviegoers at the time). And in that universe a more successful John Carpenter getting to indulge in his inner-George Lucas and retouching his movie without going overboard they way Lucas is accused of doing.
A few examples of this, are:
*Extended dog kennel battle. We get to see a transition from the first transformer of the, um, spider dog creature? Into the iconic hairless alien canine.
*Bennings isn't simply howling at the moon, which is a lot less creepy as you get older IMHO. We get to see more. Yes, less is more, but you can poke a lot of fun at that scene once you've seen it enough times. This fan editor did for sure.
*More Thing encounters. Yea!! Ever wanted to see that great incapacitated Split face monster come to life? The one that was autopsied? Well, as kid I certainly did. Now, as a world exclusive, you can too! And, no, the 2011 prequel/remake didn't earn it. Didn't understand it. Botched it. I wanted to see the creature whose face was twisted in agony come alive, and boy, does it FTW here! A great example of why we need fan editing.
*The Norris battle is now a REAL battle. I really extended the fuck outta this scene. I realized after a while, we are just watching Things freak out as a bit of a make up artist's version of a music number. Not that I need MacReady and gang to duke it out with the creatures here necessarily. But giving the monsters here more to do, more forms to take at least explains why they are sitting around waiting for it, to well, be The Thing.
*Improved Palmer transformation. This was the one that really got me into the fan edit of this movie. It always bothered me that Palmer goes from shaking in human form to a cut away and then back to what is clearly the animatronic. Wonder what it would be like to see the actor transform into the monster in a single shot? Well, wonder no more!
*NEW! Blair in the Box lost scene restored AND the mystery surrounding Naul's death resolved. This nothing original on my end, just a couple of unfilmed scenes restored from storyboards. But important nevertheless, as the Naul's death was meant to be that Quint being eaten by Jaws moment of this movie. Where we can finally see a Thing assimilate and devour a human in real time. That money scene that was meant to allow the movie to pay off never was shot due to being over budget and out of time schedule wise. You got to wonder, was Carpenter and friends having a little TOO good a time making this movie?haha At least, that was the rumors back in the day. In any case, the Blair-Thing transformation was where they decided to go instead, which honestly IS the movie's most iconic f/x moment. But hey, now we can enjoy the best of both world while those guys who worked on the movie got to enjoy their hookers and coke. Everyone wins!!
*Better climax, with more Blair-Thing.
*Controversial reveal of WHO is The Thing (click here for an essay from me about it). Go ahead, debate me on this. HATE ME FOR IT!! Sorry, I know WHO is The Thing. If I tell you how I know, you won't believe me, call me a lie, toilet paper my trees outside my house. GOOD! Fuck ya all, all you all! HA!! I went for it, you get to see WHO is a Thing. And, when you do... remember, this is the same great filmmaker that gave us one of the best dark twist ending in movie history with the under-appreciated masterpiece "Escape from New York"(1981). The Thing is ALSO a movie about the end of the world like "Escape." Carpenter was at his best in his nihilism as rock movie artist. So, my defensiveness aside over my choice here, my version of The Thing restores what I believe in my heart was John Carpenter's original vision for his movie BEFORE studios likely came into tell him to take it back a notch. Look closely, his bleak esoteric ending still shares my, well, more pointed interpretation. It's the same ending, just not watered down anymore.
*Many NEW fun extended character moments, like...
*NEW IMPROVED infamous 'lost' scene of Mac with his, ahem, love interest?!?? A blowup doll. Boy, feels weird typing all that. But that odd ball of a scene is now restored from the still!! I think they cut that because it made Mac look more unstable than he already was. But in my fan-edit, I turned up the volume on his alcoholism, his psychopathy, and unstable AF personality. Again, he's the Frank Gallagher of McMurdo Station, so giving us even more reasons to question his sanity makes him a better more layered character IMAO.
*Several extended scenes of various characters. Now we see who is in the room that Jed the dog, ahem, visits. Windows is a bit dour, ain't he? In a blink and miss it moment, he's playing a guitar in the rec room. Extended his scene, now he's not so humorless.
*Un-filmed MacReady backstory, explaining his PTSD, his instability, and his Vietnam war experience, has now been restored and recreated.
*A
better extended Fuch's death. I never liked his death anyways. No, he
didn't kill himself with a flare. lol. That was just Carpenter being
lazy for whatever reason, and the product of a planned-character arc for
another actor that was half-baked and never fully realized. Originally,
Fuchs was supposed to be killed by *spoiler alert*
*Fun with music! I mean, Hateful Eight(2015) is Tarantino's, um, Western remake of The Thing? He (wisely) uses legendary composer Ennio Morricone's unused music leftover from The Thing, which on a sidenote is cool as back in 1982 he was given one of those asshole Rasberry awards for how awful it was (note: it wasn't, it rocked) so after Tarantino respectfully and cunningly recycled The Thing soundtrack into his movie then Ennio finally receives a long overdue Academy award. R.I.P Legend! Sidenote over... I decided "What the hell..." *in my best Jack Burton voice* and used those un-used tracks here. And some other pop music changes, also in Easter Egg form. Like how a Stevie Wonder song playing in the background on Naul's boom box was changed in the laserdisc and VHS releases, this song was replaced by "One Chain (Don't Make No Prison)" by the Four Tops. So that's restored here. BUT the other song is so catchy that it makes another appearance.
*And many more surprises! Like that "Heat Wave" pinball machine, which now gets some action here, as does the Asteroid video game and another anachronistic game that certainly was influenced by The Thing. These late 70s and early 80s horror films were coming off the fumes of the great new golden age of cinema from the 70s, so Robert Altman's influence can be felt in these movies as he was the king of creating reality as fiction as reality with a clever pseudo-documentary style of creating characters and environments. And what is The Thing if not a great hang out movie, amirite? It makes looking cooped up in Antarctica look almost, well, fun! So, taking a cue from fantasy movies like Close Encounters from a few years earlier and Body Snatchers, Carpenter gives us his version of a bunch of guys hanging out, which was always one of the funnest parts of this movie. So I double down on that, look for fun touches here and there.
*And even MORE surprises!! Like I said, this is The Thing as fun roller-coaster find for those of us wishing for more decent The Thing content. Think of this as part 2 or the sequel that never got made, and roll with it (even more fun if you are pulling a Palmer and rolling a joint like he might).
+++WHAT? DID I HEAR YOU RIGHT?! Another alien IS here?! What the fuck for?! Why do we NEED a NEW VILLAIN??+++(ignore this older rant I wrote a while back it you must)
I always felt like the monster in The Thing got a bad rap. It's basically just an animal trying to survive like the rest of us. And man is the REAL monster and blah, blah, blah. But even then, we can agree that Big Chap from Alien 1979 is evil incarnate. So it's not lost on moviegoers that The Thing is basically taking its cue from supernatural lore and may as well be demonic for all intensive purposes. Yet, that never hit right, and I wasn't alone. You can almost sense filmmaker Jordan Peele in his alien monster movie "Nope"2022 commenting on this a bit by reminding us that, "Hey, yes, some animals when they run wild may have to be put down BUT it's nothing personal... they are just trying to trying to find their place in the food chain too."
So, personally, I like to think of this alien animal we rudely refer to as "The Thing" as being essentially this 'alien dog' or pet of sorts belonging to the aforementioned 3-eyed pilot. I envision him/her/it as a galactic a-hole who is basically doing damage control for the pet/biological weapon/zoo animal? he let loose by accident. At least, that is what I first thought when I saw film of him in behind the scenes deleted scenes from 2011 The Thing remake.
Don't get me wrong, I can't stand that movie, the 2011 version. The best f/x and scenes for it were left on the cutting room floor. So can you blame the f/x artists for being a bit miffed and peacing out a bit, as they did in their only indie middle finger to the powers that be?
In my fan edit, again not only do those forgotten practical f/x have a home, but so does the 3-eyed alien pilot, as he now roams the camp like an extraterrestrial Michael Myers.
As a fun aside btw, (real tangent here), I can't be TOO big a Thing 2011 hater. I actually went to college with one of the dudes who starred in it. Short story, I was in the same theater troupe as a supporting actor from the 2011 The Thing. He was a bit of film snob like me, but bragged about his aspirations of someday starring in great remakes of 80s classics. so I'd be curious to know what he thought of that movie since, well, it sucked. He was good in it though but I digress...
So, ramble over, back to MY version of The Thing, where the aforementioned 3-eyed alien-pilot kills Fuchs to protect his pet "The Thing" and blah, blah, blah. Which is also why 'the thing' doesn't kill Clark as Clark tames this apex predator, given his experience with animals. But to account for the burnt corpse that Nauls and Mac find later on, I now added the flare catching the alien-pilot on fire, and so and so forth...but...
+++Here's the deal on this...+++
When you stop to think about it, you can understand WHY the original 1982 movie spoils itself in the opening shot with that great f/x of an enigmatic flying saucer crashing on Earth. A scene that was so cool that the filmmakers of Predator 1987 hope you won't notice when they rip it off. Because, when you think about it, there's not much sci-fi outer space vibes to The Thing to begin with? Even the monster itself looks more demonic in form as it transforms into basically mutilated animal and human forms. There is only so many various of an orifice with several rows of teeth before the novelty wears off.
So if you want to make a movie about an alien fucking with us, you can't just ask the audience to go along with it. They can't do ALL the work here. Ridely Scott's Alien was smart enough to be humble in the face of this challenge, so from the minute you see the creature, in face-hugger form, you know you are dealing with something truly alien. Have a dog grow spider legs replete with tentacles is obviously a nod to that, but in the editing room you can tell they filmmakers then realized they were in trouble a bit. This wouldn't be just another monster movie, they REALLY needed to get those sci-fi juices flowing. Thank gawd for that flying saucer matte scene later on, huh? One of the best in cinema history if you ask me.
But as a fan who eventually outgrew this movie for his own personal reasons, I realized that the alien pilot as envisioned by the f/x team and storytellers of the 2011 redux Thing movie, and even the author of the 1938 original story for which the story was based, must have realized on their own the challenge behind making this story work for everyone, for an audience in general.
At least the 1979 Alien was unfolding on a space ship so you didn't forget what kind of movie you were watching. But even they needed to remind you too on occasion, like when they introduce late in the movie killer androids. Having this 3-eyed alien mastermind as a mystery player in the background, hinting at his relationship with The Thing, helps to flesh out that outer space feeling for me.
+++FINAL THOUGHTS+++
This was an itch I long wanted to scratch after waiting for years as a kid to get a sequel for this movie, and being disappoint to learn that John Carpenter's They Live 1987 with Childs' actor Keith Davids was not that movie (I love They Live, of course, on its own merits, so for fun there is even an Easter Egg or two about that movie in my fan edit here). Enjoy!
ENTER THEATER!
